Nymphomaniac Volume 1 & 2

Volume 1...(110 mins)

Lars, Lars, Lars...nascent nymphomania and fly fishing?!? That's a metaphor, too far.

The sexual connotations of having a hamster...! Hysterical.

Shia LeBeouf...hysterical, that accent! Shia LeBeouf: a walking joke.

Charlotte Gainsbourg...still one of the most unconvincing actors out there - if she refused to strip - then, her career would have evaporated in next to no time. Keep your clothes on love!

But...Lars, Lars, Lars...the writing is a monolithic mountain of monotony - not only that, it's just plain bad.

Yes, you have littered your tedious film with gaudy gimmicks (not even acceptable in film school films) and arty-bad-porn - surely, you could have got the porn bit right?!?

The stench of exploitation is toxic - will struggling actors do anything to work with Lars? Yes, they will.

A dismal disgrace.

Volume II...(118 mins)

...we're still watching it...this has become a reluctant marathon - a struggle.

We've watched it...a repulsive waste of time.

Shia LeBeouf - you are a joke.

von Trier...all your credibility has evaporated...you should be ashamed of your overt exploitation.

The film industry is gravely damaged by this decomposed offal.

Trailer...